International Women’s Day… this one’s for the men

Men in Afghanistan lining up for equality. Or so I’d like to think. Photo taken by the author, your resident feminist, probably over 20 years ago.

*This article would not have been possible without Kit Nicholson. He encouraged it, inspired it, researched it, and made sure I had the energy to pull it together. He’s leading the way for the “good guys”!

International Women’s Day. We’re back. Again.

And… we’re still not happy. In fact, I’d say we’re getting less happy with every passing year.

And every damn year, I’ve written this same blog, explaining why I hate today.

No, it is not because I don’t realize “how far we’ve come.”
No, it is not because I am a killjoy who does not see things to celebrate.
No, it is not because I do not honor my feminist sisters — or our feminist foremothers.

I honor and celebrate every day. But every day, we’re reminded of how far we have to go. And how long we have to go until we’re equal.

So, a quick recap before we get this thing going. Again.

International Women’s Day started in 1911 when women (and yes, some men) took to the streets to demand the right for women to work, to vote, and to hold public office. It’s important, no doubt, but here we are — 114 years later — still making very similar demands!

All around the world, women and girls are still not able to fully participate in all aspects of social, economic, and political life. In fact, women’s rights around the globe are actively eroding. We have less choice and less voice — and are further burdened with the responsibility of rectifying this imbalance. Achieving equality is viewed as “women’s work” or as a “women’s issue.” As if we caused this mess in the first place.

And this year, 2025, has been nothing short of catastrophic for women. I won’t list it all, or this blog will never end, and we’ll be here until next International Women’s Day howling about our tragedies.

The bottom line is this: The patriarchy is back — with a vengeance. Toxic masculinity is… trendy?! Sure, none of this ever went away. But the backlash we’re experiencing today is deadly. We wanted to believe that we’ve started to inch beyond this crap. We wanted to believe.

[Insert an expletive here] are having their moment in the sun.
No, not all guys are [re-use whatever expletive you’ve selected above].
But yes, too many of the “good guys” are quiet.

So this year, instead of regurgitating the same thing, I am standing on the rooftop screaming:

GOOD GUYS… WHERE THE F ARE YOU?!

I’ve been at it for three decades. And very rarely have I seen men step up and participate. Why should they, you ask? Let’s firstly acknowledge that patriarchy is a dude problem. Toxic masculinity is a dude problem. And perpetrators of most discrimination and violence against women… that’s a dude problem too.

And my favorite question for every International Women’s Day? Ready for it?! When is “men’s day”?! Dude. That’s every damn day. Good morning.

Relax, I’m not saying all men. And I’m not saying women don’t play a role in reinforcing this stuff.

We spend too much time addressing the issues women face — from our lack of equal opportunities in employment to our lack of bodily autonomy to our lack of political power — without men. They are hardly ever in the room.

Right now, the 69th Commission on the Status of Women is about to start at United Nations Headquarters in New York. Ten days of discussion. For the last 69 years. SIXTY-NINE YEARS. And who’s there? Mostly women. The dudes are either an exception, or — worse — they are praised excessively for taking time out of their busy day to join us.

No, my brothers. This is not on.

Firstly, there needs to be greater accountability. Men, it is time to acknowledge the massive role you play in the continued systematic marginalization of half of the human population.

And then, it’s time to listen and learn, to understand what’s going on with women. You can not get away with ignorance about women’s rights and their daily violations — from the microscopic to the massive. Too many men cannot even name five women they respect, and they certainly have no clue about the female reproductive system — even though they came out of one, and spend a great deal of energy trying to get back in one. And yet, more often than not, men are in positions deciding what happens to our own bodies.

So this International Women’s Day, the theme — For All Women and Girls: Rights, Equality, and Empowerment — needs to include the dudes. I want to hear guys stand up and say yes, I recognize I’m benefitting from this mess, and yes, I’m going to help fix it.

In the spirit of “we should all be feminists,” this year I say: Men must be feminists.

Let’s go over five easy reasons why this should be the case — but isn’t.

1. Men don’t understand what feminism is. It’s easy: equality. We should not have to fight for it or “earn” it — it’s ours. We’re not “taking your rights away” — but you can’t deny that you’ve had more than your fair share. The manosphere is a little scared of women, I’d say. Especially when we’re powerful. Relax. Read this. You’ll feel better. And maybe then you’ll stand up with us. And check out what your bros have said about it — for inspiration.
2. Men live in societies that (often) include women — in pretty critical roles. No, you’re not just stepping up because you happen to have a mother/sister/wife/daughter. You’re stepping up because you’re a decent human being and you believe that everyone has the right to live a full and free life. We exist together — shouldn’t we do more to make it pleasant?!
3. Feminism actually benefits you! It is good for your health — yes, literally. You will benefit from healthy masculinities, realistic expectations, and the full range of human emotions. Phew. You can exhale. Toxic masculinity is exhausting. Being a “man” in the cliche sense of the word doesn’t leave you much room. Feminism is better for your quality of life — and your mental and physical health. Here’s more.
4. Dudes, it’s time to admit that you’ve benefited from patriarchy since the beginning of time. You have power and privilege — social, economic, political. There are power differences in there, no doubt. Race, class, and all identity markers play a role here. But overall, you’ve got a disproportionate share of power. Once you see this, you’ll never unsee it. And that is a great start.
5. Men should hold other men accountable for their actions. If you see your fellow dude being an [expletive — pick a new one this time], you must do something about it. On the streets, in schools, in the office, in public office — stand up. You know it’s wrong — so please exhibit the courage (safely) to speak out. Don’t know how? Start here.

Too many men are afraid of femininity because their understanding of masculinity has been created to diametrically oppose it. In the world of contrasts, all that is “soft” and “emotional” (read: feminine) exists in opposition to what is “strong” and “logical” (therefore masculine). I feel suffocated just writing that.

You know what… all this stuff is easy. It starts with empathy.

“Empathy is not a zero-sum game,” says Scott Galloway, professor, podcaster, and future author of a book on masculinity. Did civil rights hurt white people? Nope. Did gay marriage hurt heterosexual marriage? Also — nope. So, gender equality will not hurt men.

Dudes, hear me out. I love you. I am grateful to be surrounded by some of the best examples of what men are. I want that to be contagious.

Because feminism won’t work, equality won’t work, rights and justice and dignity won’t work, peace won’t work, NOTHING will work, until (most) men are on board. And if you’re NOT on board — today is a good day to ask yourself why.

~

If you’re a man — or any human — and you don’t know where to start for the every-day-that-is-women’s-day, I created a handy Feminist Firestarter to ignite us. Head to www.LinaAbiRafeh.com and Join the Movement — we need all of you.